rhino_neil: (2013)
But well rested and relaxed which is pleasant.

Plans fpr today include a decent walk to make up for some short days walking this week. I'm still over 3 miles per day average, but I could do with some headroom.

I'll probably do a film and crack on with some tidying. Even if I do get the spring clean done by outside contractor, I need to get books and DVDs sorted.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Some days I wake up
still with headphones on
I went to sleep with Ben & Kobna
telling me of Rivers of London
Wizards and police
Faceless Men and fairies

Some days I wake up
with a knee that locks
I stumble my way through
to prepare myself for the day

I'm often confused and bemused
My body shakes with anxiety
I spasm and mumble
There is no clarity or control

Some days I wake up.
I look around and smile
My brain is clear
I stand up straight and proud
I look to the sky and think
"What if every day was like today"

Some days I wake up
The night has been full of anger
Frustration and hurt
I've broken something
A mug, a drawer a plate
Who knows

Some days I wake up
I stumble I spasm and shake
I stim, like the Aspie I am
or maybe am not, but still
I repeat that movement until I settle

And then I have to put on the face
Try and be "normal"
It's hard as hell
Some days I smile
some days I grin
Like death I grin.

This is me
This is my life
You see me on a good day
On other days I hide away

Some days I wake up.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well Karen came up today and we did coffee, a walk round Perth, the Norrie-Miller walk / Perth Sculpture trail and a visit to the Greyfriars cemetery. Followed by coffee and cake at the community cafe.

A splendid day was had by us both.
rhino_neil: (2013)
For three Saturdays in a row my phone said I did no walking worth measuring and my memory says the same. So whay today am I alert, done my shopping, done an odd job or two.

OK I've finished some tasks at work, I've been doing some walking, but is that enough to change my mood and alertness? I've had one alcoholic drink in the last week? Is it that?

DO I start a food and exercise diary to match triggers to slumps?

I'm just thinking out loud rather than fishing for comments.
rhino_neil: (2013)
I will not berate myself if I don't have the energy, physical co-ordination or mental co-ordination to do whay I want to do.

I will continue to exercise to try and improve the above.

I will continue to spend time with other people and engage with live music, theatre, cinema, audio plays, music, books, TV.

I will be aware of the massive privileges I have in this world and take advantage whilst I can and try and put something back whilst I can.
rhino_neil: (2013)
How to start the new year.

Obviously still recovering from the bottle of wine that my team leader gave me for christmas. If I don't have alcohol in house I don't buy it and don't drink it. I'll need to remind John next year not to do that again.

Just finishing off the Sherlock marathon on blu ray. Still great, but I think this means that I won;t want to watch it for a few years!

A nice sunny day so once I've finished my coffee, out for a walk and start on my exercise plan for the year.

Things to do - tax, some banking stuff, some event booking for 2017, household and clothing revamps for the new year.

Good it is Sunday today, so at least I do know the days of the week, even if my ohysical coordination is a bit off. I'm becoming more uncoordinated as time goes on. We'll see if I need to address that.
rhino_neil: (2013)
spent New Year's It's dark and quiet.

There's music from downstairs on the edge of hearing.

I am here due to choices I made.

Good and Bad I own them.

This is how I've spent New Year's Eve past and likely future

Tomorrow is a new day, tax returns to do, walking and daylight to see.

I have ideas of things I want to do differently, people I want to see more, places I want to go for the first time or to go again to places well known.

The wheel turns.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Going to bed after only 13 or so hours up today. Hoping that the SAD light arrives soon as I thought I had this sussed a few weeks ago and was going to try and start seeing people again. Feeling a bit lost right now. Sorry feel very alone and that's not because people don't want me around, I just shut them out.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Actually this was a slightly atypical Sunday,but it did includea lot of things I usually do, but not always on a Sunday.

I'm starting an outdoor fitness class in aa couple of weeks, Nordic Walking, basically walking with ski sticks. As the Perth based tutor wasn't answering e-mails and seemed to be a dead entry on the website, I'm going to Dundee. In fact it's in a park in Broughty Ferry, which is a train to Dundee and then a bus. But I'm pretty familier with the area. That said I did a trial run out which was useful. So after getting to the park, I sat and ate my sandwiches, disappointing a number of small yappy dogs. (The Scotty dog was particularly cute) So I decided to walkback into Dundee. Now due to a slight miscalc I had already walked a mile or so and it's about 4 miles from Broughty to Dundee, which is in my range, but still a bit of a hike, especially along a main road.

Sobought myselfacopy of Alan Moore's "Jeruselem", a large novel,presented as three paperbacks in a slip cover. £20 instead of £25. I walked down to the DCA Dundee Contemporary Arts and was very glad of some green tea and a chocolate & beetroot cake with icing. I completed the afternoon with a film at the DCA,"Captain Fantastic" starring Viggo Mortensen as an off grid father who with his recently deceased wife was bringing up kids in the American wilderness.

His in-laws try to stop him going to th e funeral,sohe and the kids take a road trip...

I found the film to look fantastic,expecially the wilderness sections, to be stunningly well played and funny moving and deeply critical of the traditional life choices, whilst facing up to the issues around removing your kids from society. Viggo isstunning in the central role and at times conveys so much with extended silence and the sort of non verbal communication that sort of close nit family would have. Oh and Frank Lagella plays the father in law / grandfather. It's a sort of character he can do in his sleep, and it's a joy to see him again.

I tend to go and sit in DCA and drink tea a lot. It's like the Sheffield Showroom with a modern art exhibition centre above!
rhino_neil: (2013)
Hm here we are. 47. Bit of a non-descript age, mid-late forties? middle aged. Who knows.

I find myself still in debt, still running away from people and thus still alone in almost everything I do.

I lack the "get up and go" to actually get up and go, I still find it very easy to alienate people who might have been close to me. I still spend cash on stuff I don't need.

I'm still sat in the flat at 8.40 on bright Autumn day, when it's out there to enjoy. Or at least go and do the shopping.

I don't know, I want to be "debt free", but I want to live a life. I've no idea how to balance them out.

Stop pissing poeple off by being a git would be a good start!
rhino_neil: (2013)
SHopping and stuff, followed by more of the "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" angst.

Don't get me wrong, the job is going well and I'm gradually improving my fitness. This is helping in my ability to see beyond just doing the work thing.

So what else do I want to do? Well some kind of social life and a creative life would be good. What do I like doing? Theatre, folkie stuff, walking, Doctor Who, Bi groups.

So interesting article on the Guardian about this - My workout nordic walker which sounds like a fitness program that I could go for. There are a couple of teachers nearby, Perth and Dundee, the Dundee one has taster sessions and classes planned for the Autumn, the Perth one doesn't have anything on the website, but I've pinged her a message.

Theatre - well a friend of mine who lives in Birnam is part of the drama group at her local arts centre. There's nothing in Perth at the moment and Birnam is doable by train or bus on an evening, and they start preliminary meetings for their Autumn/Winter 2016 show tomorrow. So I'm going to pop along and poke my head round the door.

So that's fitness and hopefully social walking group, maybe some acting or other stage stuff. Folkie Well I'm thinking of getting a bodhran and I have no intention of joining the local(ish) Doctor Who group. Bi groups? Well I occasionally go to Edinburgh, there isn't one in Dundee or Perth and I'm not planning on starting one (at present).


Aug. 7th, 2016 08:11 am
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well as I'm not in BicCon and there was a chance of some fair weather I got on a train to Dundee and a bus to St Andrews for a day out. I got to St Andrews about 9 and it was sunny and warm enough. So coffee and breakfast were OK but not stunning, thankfully a visit to http://www.toppingbooks.co.uk/ got the day off to a great start by just being wonderful and by lightening my pocket by a few quid.

Most of the day was on the beach as there was a fun fair in the town centre, but thankfully the small beach stayed quiet most of the day. I did find some good coffee and read The Immortals. I do like a nice dose of magical realism with a hint of time travelling and someone lost in the world, travelling searching with a stunning set of images at the end.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well obviously, not even I could hide this long at an event!

Why not? Well last year ended with me, shall we say failing in expected social niceties. AKA being a git. Not deliberately I hasten to add, but I am socially blind at times and also just want to fucking hide from people if I can't deal with interaction or am just tired. BiCon is fairly full on people. They may be lovely and yes one can bugger off to your room, but sometimes I just get tired and stressed and fuck up. This happened a few times last year and come booking time this year I just wanted to avoid any fall out, so I didn't book.

Oh and money..Fucked up on spending again big time

So I'm continuing to work on the physical fitness. If I'm fitter, I'm less tired generally and hopefully more able to deal with that stuff in future.

So carry on with the exercise, walking and swimming, watch the pennies and try and be a happy Rhino!
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well not a bad night, unlike my usual Friday night collapse, I was awake and alert. So trying to continue the exercise and starting to build up teh distance again now the knee is healing I did a couple of miles up the hill.

Audio listening was Doctor Who The Forbidden Time. It's a second Doctor story told by Anneke Wills as companion Polly with Frazer Hines as Jamie in a supporting role. It's an atmospheric story where a race of aliens try to set up a toll point in time which hits our reality in 2011 (wheb the story came out on CD). Anneke is a great actress.

The set up is Polly addressing an emergency conference, called after the alien's ultimatum is heard. She explains what happened when the TARDIS met them years ago and plays back recordings made by Jamie. It's a little contrived but Anneke's alien voices are superb and she does a great suggestion of the Doctor's voice. It's the second time I;ve heard it and enjoyed it very much. I've now listed to all the audios set in that era of Doctor Who, so back to the real series and Polly's last story - The Faceless Ones coming up soon.

Video watching is series two of "The Avengers". The first episode stars Patrick Macnee as Steed and Jon Rollanson is filling in for Ian Hendry who left after season 1. "Mission to Montreal" is 50 minutes of the dullest TV I've seen. Now some 60s TV I love, some takes me a bit of time to get into, but this had all the flaws of its time and none of the joys! Thankfully they cast Honor Blackman and she starts in ep 3. I may jump ahead!

Right, time to knock it on the head. I'm thinking of going to Dundee and seeing if the Oor Wullie statues are still out around the city. If the weather is passable I might go to the beach.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well, I probably should have gone further than the co-op today. I did a finished the Doctor Who audio, but to be honest have already forgotten the ending, Davison & Beevers were good though. Had a nap and watched the last five Marvel's Agents of SHIELD. It's not a series that's improving to be honest and C4 are moving it to increasingly outlandish times and days, the next part is on Sunday at 7am! It is on E4 in a regular evening slot but it started on Friday evenings on C4, so I don't think I'm the only one not impressed. It's not a show that's doing anything particularly interesting with a rather well worn "Are the mutated humans still human" plot. Where Marvel are winning the movie battle against DC, they are loosing the TV battle. The DC/Arrowverse TV shows are more engaging and with "The Flash" have a real hit. I'm looking forward to Super Girl, I expect it will be fun, cheesy and very entertaining.

Right well tomorrow is another day and I expect I will be back at work as I'm now moving about more comfortably.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well, got back yesterday after the week in Sheffield in a degree of pain after my back went on MOnday morning, presumably to do with the Morris dancing on Saturday. I had some chilli I made frozen in house so had something substantal to eat. Very tired, but due to discomfort didn't sleep very well.

I called in sick today as I could barely move and Derek bought me painkillers at lunchtime.

The day has been listening to a new Dr Who audio "And You Will Obey Me" starring Peter Davison with Geoffrey Beevers as the Master. I fell asleep during Part 4. so need to catch up, also watching the backlog of "Person of Interest" on Channel 5. It's late ins eries 4, so I wouldn't suggest watching it if you don't, but it has some interesting things to say about the surveillance society and also about just looking out for each other in this world.

I've really enjoyed Sheffield last week and it makes coming back to the relative isolation in Perth a little hard to process. Perth is where I live, where I work and where I'm fairly stable. But I could spend weeks going round friends in Sheffield before I'd have to repeat. I can't do three nights in Perth before I'd see the same people again!

But I'm committed until April 2017 at least, as I've contracted on the flat for a year.

Books Finished - The Long Utopia by Pratchett & Baxter
Books Ongoing - Shepperton Babylon - The Lost Worlds of British Cinema by Matthew Sweet.
Audio & TV as above.
rhino_neil: (2013)
Well a little warmer in Perth and we head towards Easter and Spring. Sadly this year's adventuring will be little scaled back on 2015-16 and no extra days on the holiday. Mainly I blew the budget in 2015/16. So some choices have to be made and Bicon is sadly not happening in 2016, although I will be in Sheffield this year in April and October which I didn't manage in 2015 at all.

I'm on holiday in May (end of 2015-2016 holiday year), trip to Brighton and July (beginning of 2016-17 year), trip to Stonhaven and Heb Celt music festivals. So I'm not exactly forcing myself to stay in Perth all year!

Still hopefully on track for the debt free day. It's still three years away, but I'm determined that I will not takeout another loan before the current one expires. I plan to be debt free for my 50th in 2019 and treat myself to a fortnight's proper holiday in a good hotel over my birthday.

I have so many books and DVDs/BDs and music and audio books that I could start reading and watching and I doubt I'd be finished in 3 years, allowing for new TV to watch and a paid for subscription to the Doctor Who audio adventures from Big Finish until late 2019.
rhino_neil: (Default)

Gosh Hmm not quite sure how to round up the week. I killed the laptop on Wednesday. I'm not sue its even worth taking it to the pc shop to see if they can recover stuff. That'll not help my budget this year.  Work has been testing spreadsheet and tweaking formulas to improve maintenance and updates. Really dull stuff but they should go live early next week and I'll be able to crack on with the next stage with a solid base.

I went to the concert hall in Perth and saw some Mongolian and Scottish folk. Both pretty good. If rather be in Glasgow for celtic connections but it didn't happen th out s year. Friday was supposed to be a night out with friends but cancelled on the day due to lurgy. For once not me, even though I m quite glad as I don't do Friday nights.
Saturday was more flat sorting out. Step by step I'm getting there. Oh and paperwork to renew contract on f'll at for a year. That'll be a year to April 2017. Gosh that will mean two and a half years in this flat.

rhino_neil: (2013)
Apart from moving house I don't ask people to help me clean the flat. This is dispite the fact that cleaning is a major trigger for me for panic attacks. Don't know why, but the never ending nature of the task always defeats me.

So I asked Derek to come and help me. We did about three hours. I sorted out clean clothes and did the bathroom. He did lots of washing up including stuff that had sat in a cupboard for a year. He cleaned cooker and worktops and two cupboards. There is still truck loads to do, but the start may be enough to get me going. The fact that there is NOTHING that needs washing up is a big bonus. OK one mug and the cafetiere to wash..
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