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Jun. 21st, 2023 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rhino_neil Apologies to the few people who see this. I just use this when I want to write my thoughts and feelings but don't actuallly want or need aa "hugs x" from facebook!
Trauma from parenting, being autistic in an allistic world, being trans but never transitioning being alone when I want company, having company when I want silence. All these things have deadened me to the world and my life. So much effort into work and masking in the workplace.
So now I have a job that even if I have problems I can work out the solutions, I know how to do this with a little thought and attention, but not that much really.
So I have headspace for myself. So I'm reading a new book, "Terry Pratchett, A life with Footnotes*" I've laughed and cried at the book. And I've laughed and cried at the sheer emotional release of that.
I'm in my own place with my books, DVDs CDs etc. I can cook or heat up things in the microwave. I can walk and watch the sunset over the valley. I can't get to the beach easily. There's always losses.
But feeling that release from anxiety and fo not just a day, but a week a month, maybe longer. That feels like joy. I wonder what actual joy feeels like?
Trauma from parenting, being autistic in an allistic world, being trans but never transitioning being alone when I want company, having company when I want silence. All these things have deadened me to the world and my life. So much effort into work and masking in the workplace.
So now I have a job that even if I have problems I can work out the solutions, I know how to do this with a little thought and attention, but not that much really.
So I have headspace for myself. So I'm reading a new book, "Terry Pratchett, A life with Footnotes*" I've laughed and cried at the book. And I've laughed and cried at the sheer emotional release of that.
I'm in my own place with my books, DVDs CDs etc. I can cook or heat up things in the microwave. I can walk and watch the sunset over the valley. I can't get to the beach easily. There's always losses.
But feeling that release from anxiety and fo not just a day, but a week a month, maybe longer. That feels like joy. I wonder what actual joy feeels like?
