rhino_neil | (no subject)

Oh dear that was a fail of a weekend. I decided to go to Greenbelt tis year a Christian arts and music festival over the August bank holiday. I suppose I'm still trying to balance my spritual life that's been part of my life for as long as I can remember with my queer and Pagan identities which are starting to come to the fore in my interests again.

Was it worth it. Um no. FIrst of all I expected better from the christian youth of today then the bullying louts I found. So after a day of no sleep and rain I packed up and came back to Scotland. I've spent the last couple of days in a kind of shock really. Finally chilling out though now.

The other problrm with the event was it was too damn large, too many people. So not sure what I think about my faith. I doubt I'll every totally leave the church behind, but neither do I want to loose things like shamanic drumming from my life. So I'll continue to live the contradiction as I have for a long time. I'm happy in the grey

So back to work today which was a bit of a struggle, but I'm getting on and doing some washing and tidying. WOrk is going though some changes, but my work will stay pretty much the same for the moment and is secure.

No word on the Sheffield job, so need to make sure that I keep busy over the winter in Perth/Glasgow. Any job search will not be till next year.

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Sorry Greenbelt was a disappointment.
I hope the grey continues to be an OK place to be.

Spiritually I've lived between the extremes for a long time, occasionally forsaking one for the other. But I don't really want to give them up. I get a real spiritual experience from my Pagan worship, but the Christian, specifcally Anglican worship has always been part of my life that I'd feel lost if I totally left it behind.

I love my faith, it helps me hold together when life feels overwhelming, and I know exactly what you mean about Greenbelt, I went a few years ago but it was not for me, although in my late teens (as I was at the time) I got more out of it than I would now, mostly I remember the friends I went with and the overly bigness of everything and wishing things were smaller and therefore more interactive and intimate.

You have friends who love you, don't worry too much about faith, its mostly about what you believe about yourself and how you life your life. My mum always says that everyone sees the same God through different windows of the same house (think playschool), mostly I think we all see with different eyes and not everyone is willing to look, but there you go, I never said I was sane.